Caring for Aging Parents: Subtle Signs and Signals

During my kids hectic teenage years I often loss site of my parents ‘aging needs.’ I wish I had been more available, more observant, more everything, but it just wasn’t possible since they lived a fair distance from me.  ‘Beating’ yourself up over a lack of parental oversight isn’t productive so I would like to share some ‘aging signs and tips’ that might be of help.

Some of these ‘signals’ may be noticeable to you, however if your parents do not live close it might be important to contact a friend or two of theirs so that you stay abreast of a possible problem before a crises ensues. Being aware of any changes in the way your parents handle day-to-day chores can provide ‘health’clues.

Do you speak to your parents often and actually LISTEN to what they are saying? I mean really, when was the last time you asked your parents how they were feeling and what they were doing? (and actually HEARD the answer).  Do you know of their interest in hobbies or other daily activities…Are they involved in community organizations, activities or clubs…Are they socializing with friends?

Have you noticed that your parents are reluctant or unable to walk short distances; out to the mailbox, down stairs, to the garage or car? Have they had knee or hip surgery? Could arthritis be making it difficult to get around…in and out of a bathtub? Would either parent benefit from a cane or walker?  If they are unsteady on their feet, they could fall and that is definitely the ‘something’ to avoid.

Are their clothes clean? Are the lights in the house working? Is the heat on? Are the bathrooms clean? Is the yard overgrown? Have you noticed scorched pots?  This is a common one and could be a sign that your parents are becoming dangerously forgetful.  Neglected housework and/or failure to keep up with daily routines such as bathing, tooth brushing and other basic grooming can be a ‘warning’ sign to depression, dementia or other problems.

If your parents are losing weight it could be that they don’t have the energy or desire to cook or gripping the cooking utensils has become difficult.  Reading labels or directions on food products can be near to impossible...do your parents wear glasses…do they know where their glasses are?  Did you know that after 60 most people lose some sense of smell and taste or that illness and medication can contribute to that loss as well?  If food doesn’t taste or smell as good as it used to your parents may not feel like eating…I know I wouldn’t!

Ask Mom or Dad (at the right time) if the daily chores or housework is becoming too strenuous.  If vacuuming, bending down, climbing stairs or reaching high places requires too much effort it might be a good time to suggest ‘help’.  PLEASE, PLEASE make sure your conversation focuses on the positive and not the negative…A good way to start, “I was just thinking that you might like more free time for yourself, you’ve been doing chores all your life…how about we get someone do to some of it for you?” If the answer is “NO” don’t push but mention it again later when your parent may feel more open to your suggestion.